My long hospital trip...

I'm currently in the hospital, been here sine Wednesday night and it's now Saturday afternoon. Maybe I should have been more specific with my bfp wish!

I went to the ER in acute pain, and after a while, they asked me if I knew I was pregnant and then estimated me at 3 weeks. At first, they told me I was 1 cm dilated and was miscarrying, which is what the pain was from.

Then they found out that I had a bleeding large cyst on my ovary, which was pushing blood into my abdomen and causing the pain. They also said it could be an ectopic pregnancy. They had no idea the status of the baby.

I spent much of the next day crying in fear of becoming infertile and losing this baby, what could possibly be our very last. Our family has been wonderful with helping us during this, and I have hundreds of people praying over my health and the baby's.

UPDATE: I didn't get to finish this with so much going on Saturday. It's now Sunday morning. I returned home yesterday with many restrictions. If I have any pains or symptoms, I have to be rushed to the hospital. Unfortunately this means I don't get to see the kids much, and now they have to go back to their Aunt Sara's so that if something does happen, we can rush out of here. I miss them so much, I;m struggling a lot to be away from them.

I'm feeling mostly fine so far, apart from some pain last night that got worse when I had an anxiety attack. I had a full night's rest without pain and without any nurses waking me up constantly. My bleeding is still strictly old blood and just when I wipe. I'm nervous about tomorrow's test results.

Bill and I have been trying to stay calm about this pregnancy, but it's hard. It's hard not to get attached like we tried to do an failed. We're trying to keep an open mind still, and know that the chances are it won't work out. We've already put some plans together in case this baby doesn't make it. We have a name and a way to honor them. Bill bought me a little elephant teddy bear at the hospital to cuddle and represent the baby, as he knew this pregnancy was going to be elephant themed. We hope that we won't have to use any of the plans we made, and this baby will go on to become our healthy, wonderful new baby that we get to bring home for good. It's hard to battle the knowledge of the percentages with the emotional attachment that instantly comes with knowing there's a baby inside of you.